Richard A. Gardner, M.D.
155 County Rd.
Cresskill, N.J. 07626
Dear Dr. Gardner,
It has long been known that incest is a
problem which crosses all socioeconomic and cultural backgrounds. However,
with the increase in accessibility to pornography and the declining moral
value system in America, the problem is increasing dramatically.
Bona fide research reveals
that statistically most offenders are males. However, there is no "syndrome"
for these offenders. We felt that this was necessary as many of these
offenders end up in court where expert testimony is needed. Of course,
they don't end up in criminal court. That would make far too much
sense in our present judicial system. They end up in family law courts,
requesting custody of their victims.
We have developed a "syndrome"
for these fellows. It is called Fornicating Father's
Syndrome. Sounds pretty catchy doesn't it? We thought it
would be right up your alley!
Below is a list of the "symptoms"
of this syndrome. Of course, as in your infamous Parental Alienation
Syndrome, the child and anyone else in the Northern Hemisphere may be part
of the syndrome. Also, as in PAS, we, like you, have abandoned the
idea that research, data, or scientific studies are necessary. Your
idea of self publishing appears to be the most expedient
way to justify new syndromes. Therefore, we are developing a full
line self published materials soon to be offered on "The Shopper's
Guide to Mental Health Fads and Best Kept Secrets of Gypsy Beads,"
channel 116. Please read on for a detailed description of FFS.
SYMPTOMS:
1. Child discloses molest by father, with
descriptions of sex acts that would be unknown to child, unless the child
had experienced molest or had been exposed to explicit pornography.
2. Father demands custody of child
3. Father calls child a liar
4. Father calls mother crazy, vindictive,
and "cold fish"
5. Child initiates sexual acting out on
other children
6. Father says female child is a nymphomaniac,
male child should be commended
7. Father calls mother crazy, vindictive,
and "cold fish"
8. Child has psychological symptoms including
night terrors, unreasonable discomfort of being left alone with father,
clinging to mother when having to go with father on visitation, intermittent
stomach aches, bowel problems, etc.
9. Father says female child is histrionic,
male child has Oedipus complex induced by mother
10. Father says mother crazy, vindictive,
and "cold fish"
11. Child discloses sexual abuse to peers
12. Father says female child wishful thinking,
male child trying to impress his friends
13. Father says mother crazy, vindictive,
and "cold fish"
14. Child discloses to therapist
15. Father says therapist crazy, vindictive,
and "cold fish" who caught these things from mother
16. Child discloses to unrelated others
17. Father says community has become infected
with crazy, vindictive, sexual inhibitions and hysteria, caught from mother
18. Child has medical evidence of molest
19. Father says typical self-induced trauma
for nymphomaniac female child, male child showing advanced learning skills
20. Father says mother crazy, vindictive,
and "cold fish"
21. Child has venereal disease
22. Father says child got it from toilet
seat mother failed to clean properly, therefore mother is unfit
23. Father's semen found in child at medical
examination
24. Father says "Oops, how did that
get there?"
25. Law enforcement investigates father.
26. Father says crazy, vindictive, "cold
fish" ex-wife must have stolen his semen in the night after using
date rape drugs on him i.e. she "set him up"
27. Father demands D.A. file criminal grand
theft charges against child's mother
28. Law enforcement interviews Mother,
omits the word "grand" from charges
29. Mother finds video tape of father molesting
child under child's mattress
30. Father says "Oops, how did that
get there?"
31. Father says crazy, vindictive "cold
fish" ex-wife is a voyeur, and therefore is an "emotionally unfit
parent"
32. Father demands psychological and custody
evaluations for child's mother
33. Family court judge demands to know
who is going to pay him off; father, minor's counsel, or custody evaluator
34. Father calls minor's counsel and custody
evaluator to find out who is going to pay for mother's eval. to show that
she is crazy, vindictive, and a "cold fish."
35. Custody evaluator says he can sell
father PAS for big bucks but it will get law enforcement off father's back,
so its worth it
36. Father and minor's counsel agree to
split cost
37. Evaluator informs judge of his cut
38. Custody evaluator whips out formatted
evaluation and plugs in appropriate names
39. Hearing date is set, father plans addition
to house, gets more video tapes
The above symptoms have points allotted
to them so that a numeric equation produces the results indicating whether
or not the father is guilty of Fornicating Father's Syndrome. The
beauty of the point scale is that it is irrelevant, since the results are
always the same -- the father is guilty.
We are now looking for someone to promote
this "syndrome."
While there are psychologists all over
the country dying to get in on the bottom floor of this, we thought of
you first. Your reputation for "innovative ideas" is just
what we're looking for.
This could bring you fame as the "big
daddy" of Fornicating Father's Syndrome, and we're talking millions
here. In fact , with the right kind of strategy, we think you could
probably testify to PAS and FFS in the same case, as long as you kept the
names straight and used two different phone lines. We offer low cost
engineering for dual purposes.
Of course with FFS, as in PAS, it is not
necessary to meet the parties being evaluated. Therefore, the syndrome
can be applied right from the comfort of your easy chair, with the additional
benefit of tax deductions for a "home business" with the largest
room in your home used as "office space."
The market is ripe! Don't let this
chance slip by. There are many Richard Gardner clones out there,
but only one true Dick! You're the real thing.
Sincerely,
Syndromes R Us
P.S. The first 500 FFS subscribers will
be eligible for a discount on future syndromes
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